Friday, September 17, 2010

Tense... an illustration

Has any one noticed the story (Anguished E) is written in past tense?

Written in 2002, I rarely use such in current efforts as present tense in erotica offers a much better 'venue' for arousal.

Here is the beginning of Chapter Nine rewritten. You will notice that one problem is that the passage of time and changing of a scenario seems abrupt and gives rise to choppiness... an unfortunate result of utilizing the more active tense.


Chapter Nine (Present tense)

Two weeks after the party, I am summoned to Dr. Stella’s office. Gratefully no patients are present for I find that my little bells attract much attention and I can no longer slink about the house without receiving a look of devilish delight from either Brandy, the Doctor or Nurse Annika. Thus, I can only imagine the reaction of a patient.

“Hands on head while I talk to you, Tony.”

I comply.

“I have effectuated some changes on your behalf. Your eighteenth birthday is next week and under state law my role as guardian would normally terminate. However, as fiduciary for your trust, I have the responsibility of assuring that control of the funds is passed on to someone competent. Normally that would be you.

“But the behavior you have displayed makes that difficult for me to do. So..., with a psychological report from Dr. Simpson I petitioned the court suggesting that a guardian be indefinitely appointed until you’re deemed competent to manage your own affairs. The court has approved the petition.

“Consider this to be official notification.”

Dr. Stella tosses legal documents across the desk. I only have to read the top page...,

By order of the court

Brandy Robertson and Pat Duvalier appointed guardians for

Anthony Fatiqua

“And I have resigned as trustee of your funds.”

She tosses another document...,

By order of the court...,

Brandy Robertson and Pat Duvalier appointed as

Trustees for the Anthony Fatiqua Trust

I am stunned and remain silent as my thoughts run wildly.

“Nothing you can do or say, Tony. Once you’ve been deemed non compos mentis, any pleadings on your behalf must be made by your guardians..., Brandy or Pat, her driver.

“Makes you feel rather impotent, does it not?”

The Doctor snickers.

“Well..., you are.

“But not to worry. Brandy will have some nice presents for your birthday.

“I’ll want to see you in an examination room on Sunday.”

I try to quietly skulk back to the wash room. But the jewelry chimes away, reminding me of my humbled status as belled pet. So I step quickly to minimize the chance of exposure to patients. Once there I separate laundry and console myself by deeply inhaling the musky aroma of Brandy’s used panties. I have not serviced Brandy in many days and miss her taste and scent.

Once again Sunday becomes a day of apprehension. As expected an alcohol lamp is lit and for this encounter I am strapped to an examination table prostrate. The Doctor calmly speaks as she passes hot needles through my skin. The shards of steel are long and she uses them to pierce thick folds of flesh at each hip and at the small of my back just above the crease in my buttocks.

More gold rings fill the new openings and are permanently soldered closed.

She releases me, turns me on my back and again straps me down.

My diamond pendants are removed and my nipple rings cut off. In their place the Doctor thrusts a horizontal gold bar through each opening. Gloved hands hold up much larger rings, some two inches in diameter.

“Each of these will surround the entire areola, serve to plump your glands like a special brassiere, and very nicely highlight your nipples.”

She places each loop over my crinkled pink nub, presses into my chest to shape my male breasts most effeminately then solders the ends of the gold bar piercing each nipple to the circumference of the loop left and right. I lurch with the heat of the soldering iron so close to my sensitive skin. I begin to realize the new adornments will not be removed..., unless the piercing gold bars are painfully torn away.

Dr. Stella just smiles, reattaching the pendants at the base of the added rings along with the tiny bells.

A neck collar is next. Not as high and thick as Johnnie’s but instead made of gold with several eyelets attached. The Doctor solders it closed.

Bands similar to the neck collar are slipped around my arms just above the elbows, my thighs just above the knees and around my ankles. All have small eyelets attached and when soldered closed fit most snugly.

“There now, Tony. Doesn’t that feel good? Makes you look very pretty. Lots of expensive decorative gold. You'll enjoy showing off for Brandy..., we know boys like you. Thinking about how girlish you look and how much it pleases Brandy will make your penis stiffen. Can you feel it?”

I am chagrined to mentally agree. Feeling the slight pressure in so many places provides an interesting sensation. There is a strange comfort knowing that the expensive collection comes from Brandy. When I am released from the table I indeed feel myself becoming aroused and the Doctor immediately recognizes the symptoms. My engorging penis is once more trying to escape the horridly thin infibulating wire.

“Would you like to put on a nice stand for me? Show off your male organ like a proud peacock?”

I nod and Dr. Stella cuts the wire. My freed penis slowly rises to salute the smiling Doctor. She knows too well of my ingrained proclivity..., yes..., a peacock.

“You’ll find your new bands to be very practical.”

The Doctor produces a simple connecting device..., a pair of attached ‘D’ clamps.

“Arms back for me.”

I push as directed. With two simple clicks, the ‘D’ clamps secure my two elbow bands together behind my back, very much restricting use of my hands.

“Go to the pool and get used to your new jewelry. Brandy’s gone house hunting with Pat so you can stay erect for most of the day.

“Yes, don’t look so surprised. Brandy’s net worth is rather substantial and now that she is 21, she’s free to do whatever she wishes..., buying an expensive home included.”

I spend the remainder of the day around the pool. Having my elbows drawn back and attached behind my back is at first uncomfortable. But the discomfort slowly turns to pain over time. And with the increasing anguish my penis seems to become firmer. The ubiquitous goo slowly flows down the shaft. I humbly lie on my side on a lounge chair with the new rings at my hips serving as constant reminders of the Doctor’s latest handiwork.

As Brandy’s new ward, I wile away the day like a cow put out to pasture. With arms bound, I can not swim. I merely bask in the sun, my skin darkening and further deepening my rich coloring.


Watson said...

I did perceive the difference but I did not realize the cause until you explained it. In addition to choppiness or awkwardness, I feel present tense is more intense. When I read about events written in past tense part I (virtually unconsciously) assume that the subject has had time to at least partially adjust to a degree or to accept what has occurred; vs the intensity of first impact.

Imperfective Aspect said...

I write erotica in the present tense as well. I feel it helps the reader identify their own sexual response to the events of the story with more of a sense of immediacy. It helps to literally put the reader in the moment.

Fascinating story, by the way. There's a blending of feminization and infantilization that heightens the sense of helplessness and objectification that seems to drive many of us boys crazy.

Chris Bellows said...

Thanks all for the feedback. Yes, the frustration of childhood transitioning into adulthood, plus adding sexual powerlessness into the mix makes for frothy stuff.

When I go back and find stuff like this I begin to realize how much I've churned out over the years. And how one's style can change, hopefully for the better.