Speculating on the Derivation

I have often attempted to analyze my proclivity to mentally submit to the superior female. I have concluded it began as a toddler, at an age when memories can barely be recollected.

Faded visions of visits to the pediatrician’s office remain. The doctor had this head nurse who was most stern and authoritative. And it seemed that no matter the reason for the visit, I was stripped naked for the entire time. I recall prancing about the many rooms without a stitch, being led here and there, obeying every command of this demanding woman. I was never permitted clothing or covering and am sure the nurse would be sanctioned for her actions in today’s environment. But at the time, at some 3 or 4 years of age, I was taught that she was in charge and that I was to obey. No objection was permitted. Therefore I endured the humiliation. Yet with it came this odd thrill that accompanies such an emotional frisson, and it came at such an early age.

There was no physical abuse. I suppose this matronly woman liked looking at the naked form of young boys. But at an early age, the catharsis of having to do her bidding triggered something. Deep down I enjoyed responding to her... I was young and helpless and she provided all... she was in charge... thoroughly... and there came a strange comfort in my nakedness. She held all that I deemed important.... all I wanted, keeping my clothing out of reach in a closed cabinet and subtly implying that with the slightest disobedience such would never be returned and I would leave the doctor’s office naked to the world.

I was stripped of not only my clothing but my dignity, if a three year old can have such. I learned she had the power to do that. A woman! There was nothing to protect me from the curious eyes of others at the doctor’s office... little girls of the same age included. Why were they not deprived of their clothing? It was not fair. But because the nurse wanted me naked and not them, I remained exposed for the entire visit.... moving from one room to the next to be weighed, examined and then enduring the hypodermic shots which children find so cathartic. Only my complete subordination to her will would bring the return of covering... or so I was led to believe.

I believe these early encounters... term such to be discoveries... fostered the stimulation felt years later when my demanding date extracted her fine dinner, enjoyed the hockey game and left with another man. Fortunately I was permitted to remain clothed for the entire ordeal. But a woman was once again trifling with my dignity and I strangely enjoyed it.